If Carpenters Were Hired Like Programmers

Interviewer: So, you consider yourself a carpenter?
Carpenter: That's right. That's exactly what I do.

Interviewer: How long have you been doing this?
Carpenter: Ten years.

Interviewer: Very good. Now I'd like to ask you a few technical questions to assess how well you'd fit into our team. Agreed?
Carpenter: Sure, sounds good.

Interviewer: I should tell you that we work in a division that builds a lot of brown houses. Have you built many brown houses?
Carpenter: Well, I'm a carpenter — I build houses, and then people paint them however they want.

Interviewer: Yes, I understand, but could you tell me how much experience you have specifically with brown? Roughly speaking.
Carpenter: I really have no idea. Once a house is built, I don't care what color it's painted. Maybe six months?

Interviewer: Six months? Actually, we're looking for someone with much more brown experience, but let me ask you a few more questions.
Carpenter: Alright. But, you know, painting is painting.

Interviewer: Yes, yes, fine. What about Walnut?
Carpenter: What about it?

Interviewer: Have you done much work with walnut wood?
Carpenter: Sure. Walnut, pine, oak, mahogany — anything you want.

Interviewer: But how many years have you worked with Walnut?
Carpenter: I don't know, damn it. Am I supposed to count every board?

Interviewer: Can you at least give an estimate?
Carpenter: Fine, then I'd say I have about a year and a half of experience with walnut wood.

Interviewer: But you're not a walnut guru?
Carpenter: Well, I'm a carpenter — I work with all types of wood, which of course have some differences, but I think that if you're a good carpenter...

Interviewer: Yes, yes, but we use walnut wood. Is that okay?
Carpenter: Walnut wood is great! Whatever you want — I'm a carpenter, after all.

Interviewer: What about Black Walnut?
Carpenter: What about it?

Interviewer: We had a few walnut carpenters, but then it accidentally turned out they weren't Black Walnut carpenters. Do you have experience with it?
Carpenter: Sure, a little. I suppose it would be good to have more experience for my resume.

Interviewer: Alright. Let me check my list of questions.
Carpenter: Go right ahead.

Interviewer: So, last question for today. We use Rock 5.1 for hammering nails. Have you used Rock 5.1?
Carpenter: [turning pale...] Well, I know that many carpenters started using rocks to hammer nails when Craftsman bought a quarry, but honestly, I'm much better at it with my nail gun. Or a hammer, if you prefer. I find that when I use a rock, I hit my fingers too often, while my other hand hurts badly because the rock is too heavy.

Interviewer: But other companies use rocks. Are you saying rocks don't work?
Carpenter: No, I'm not saying rocks don't work. I just think nail guns work better.

Interviewer: All our architects started using rocks and they liked them.
Carpenter: I won't argue, but I hammer nails all day long and — alright, look, I need a job, so I'm definitely willing to use rocks if you want.

Interviewer: Ok. We have a few more candidates; we'll contact you when we've made a decision.
Carpenter: Well, thanks for your time. It was nice talking to you.

THE NEXT DAY

Ring...

Interviewer: Hello?
Carpenter: Hello! Remember me? I'm the carpenter you interviewed for the black walnut job. I just wanted to know if you've made a decision.

Interviewer: Actually, we have. Overall, we liked your experience, but we decided to go with someone who has more brown experience.
Carpenter: Really? That's it? I didn't get the job because I don't have enough brown experience?

Interviewer: Well, that's only half of it. Partly, we hired the other guy because he's much cheaper.
Carpenter: Seriously? And how much experience does he have?

Interviewer: Well, he's not exactly a carpenter — he's a car salesman. But he sold a lot of brown cars and worked with walnut wood trim.
Carpenter: [dial tone]

Translator's note: a rather free translation, not claiming to be exact.